Snow-Shoeing?

I'd like to take a moment to introduce everyone to my new running shoes. If everything goes well, these little babies are going to take me many miles. They went for their first test run yesterday and we had a lovely time together. So, I woke up early this morning expecting an equally successful venture with my new digs. . .I put all my gear on and walked out the front door. It was only then that I fell to my knees and burst into tears. SNOW!. . .and lots of it. You might think I pulled myself up and headed to the gym and I could lie and say I did, but that wouldn't be true to my inner self. I actually pulled myself up, turned right back around, through off the new running shoes and curled back up in my toasty bed. So, I'm finishing my 28th year off right. . .sleeping in.

A Birthday Wish for Kimmy

Even on the 2 day countdown, I'm still thinking of others. In keeping with the spirit of the birthday season, I'd like to make a special wish for my favorite Kimmy. This birthday, I wish that Kimmy be SQUIRREL FREE FOREVER. Today, I also wished (aloud) that Jenny F. would lick Kimmy for my birthday. . .we'll have to see if all my birthday wishes come true. Let's hope so.

My Little Pink Vespa

For those of you who are having a hard time trying to decide what to get me for my birthday. . .let me offer this little suggestion. Spring is upon us and I have been wanting a pink scooter to manuever my way around the Provo scene. Just imagine it. My JLo hair blowing in the Wasatch breeze, a matching pink leather vest adorning my torso, and to top it off, I'm going to ask that my license plate read--"btchn." Oh, wow! This is going to be the best birthday bonanza in the history of bonanzas.

Dana Reeve

Dana Reeve, wife of Christopher Reeve, died last night of lung cancer. She was only 44 and a non-smoker. It was just announced this morning on the news while I was running. Pretty soon my eyes had clouded and I had to stop to avoid a terrible gym mishap. It's amazing to me how quickly our lives can change. How quickly we can lose those dearest to us. How quickly we can lose perspective, only to have life toss a bit of reality our way. I've read a lot about lung cancer and was surprised to learn that more people die from lung cancer than any other type of cancer. In 2002, lung cancer accounted for more deaths than breast, prostate, and colon cancers combined. Friends. . .no carcinogens! So, this morning I'm thinking about all of you--hoping your day is happy and healthy. Dana leaves a legacy of advocacy, unconditional love, and a dose of reality for all of us.

A Very Special Birthday Present from Matthew

Last week Barbara Walters was doing an interview with Matthew McConaughey--who I think is perfectly darling. I thought it was impossible, but I liked him even more after his chat with Barbs. You know, he was People's Sexiest Man Alive last year. Loveless #1 told me today that people have mentioned he looks and sounds like Matthew. I was thinking he had more of a Clint Eastwood meets Johnny Depp persona, but to each his own. As part of my week-long birthday celebration, Matthew convinced Paramount Pictures to release his newest movie, Failure to Launch, March 10th. The real birthday surprise is that this co-star happens to be Miss Sarah Jessica. Two of my favorite people on the silver screen. Doesn't get much better than that for a birthday present--except for an armband for my iPod or a new fragrance. Anyway, I'm going to see the flick this weekend. . .so I can offer my complete review next week. I'm confident Matt and SJ won't disappoint.

Packing Your Fanny

Read in my new Lucky magazine this morning about pocket belts. They are selling them at all the high-end retailers for upwards of $240. Though these "pocket belts" sound sheek, I'm here to tell you that they are simply glorified FANNY PACKS. Let's take a fashion stand against anything you strap around your waste to store your belongings. I refuse to wear anything that has the word FANNY in the description. . .even if it is under the guise of a pocket belt.

Staying Focused

We finished our photography class last week and I wanted you all to meet our instructor, Lou. In general, Lou is a great person. He teaches photography at Spanish Fork High School by day and community ed classes by night. He is excited about what he does and has a genuine passion for photography and teaching. Lou is friendly, talented, and knowledgeable. Beyond photography basics, I learned several things from my 5 weeks in his course. I learned that I admire people who are willing and excited to learn. . .regardless of age. I learned that instructors (with entrance keys) should never be late to class. I learned Mark is serious when he says tardiness irritates him. I learned that the history of photography gets to be BORING after an hour. I learned that I didn't learn how to make water milky. I learned that my XT is no "point & shoot." I learned the Mentos can save your life. I learned that one of the most difficult things we'll ever do in life is to stay focused. . .

Orange you glad we're friends?

I had the best stinkin' orange ever this morning for breakfast! It was sweet, juicy, and well, just perfect. It seems that an orange is either the best tasting fruit in the world or the absolute worst. How is that possible? What makes it the most inconsistent piece of produce on the planet? When you buy a bunch of bananas. . .they usually all taste the same. When you pick up a bag of oranges. . .who knows! If anyone has some brilliant orange picking advice for me--go for it. I'm really in an orange conundrum.

One week. . .

Yep, ONE week from today. . .lots of cupcakes for ALL.

Lovely

Not quite "PERFECT," but more beautiful because of it.

Perspective

This is a view of my life from the mail's perspective.

Learning is Magic

So the 13 mile run is slowly becoming a reality. Now that the sun is shining in Provo and I don't freeze my patootie off everytime I leave the house, I've decided it's time to ditch the treadmill and face the great outdoors. This morning I started my usual route and noticed the newly updated marque at Grandview Elementary. I made a mental note of the upcoming PTA Board Mtg and just as I was about to forge ahead, I noticed that March 20th will undoubtedly be etched in the minds of countless innocents. MATURATION. It even sounds terrible. Poor kids. . .they have no idea what they're getting themselves into. How can they justify posting Maturation on an elementary school marque? How can they smash it between PTA meetings and a book fair? Doesn't anyone else see something wrong with this picture? The comedy of the sign is that this is what the reverse side reads:
Ain't that the truth? Attitude in maturation does make a "big difference." In fact, a little attitude can make a big difference in anything---including a 13 mile race (with myself).
As I see it, 29 is looking better and better. . .it's certainly more than 13 miles away from maturation! Wow, LEARNING IS MAGIC. Can't wait to see what they're doing for fun at Grandview Elementary in April. I'll keep you all posted.

Jump Rope Club

Ever hear the Pointer Sisters version of Jump For My Love? Jump in and feel my touch. Jump you want to taste my kisses in the night then Jump, jump for my love. Jump, I know my heart can make you ...JUMP! Feel my love. . .JUMP. Sing it, sista.
Went to Brooke's Jump Rope Club performance at the elementary school last night. One word--WOW! There were what seemed like hundreds of children in the gym flinging around plastic jump-ropes like there was no tomorrow. I kept my glasses on for eye protection when I noticed a gentleman with a paramedic jacket on sitting across the way. I think everyone made it out alive. . .though some burned more calories than others. My little Brooke is in the "Bunny" group. . .as opposed to the Kangaroos, Skippers, etc. She was definitely the best jumper out there. Yep, I taught her all I know. I have to admit that it's been a while since I double-dutched. Jump-roping has to be one of the top 5 playground sports around. . .followed closely by 4-square, tether ball, butt-ball (a Stoddard Stars favorite), and of course the famous spinning tire. Maybe I'll have to go out and buy myself a new jump-rope and some protective goggles.

T-10 Days

Just a friendly reminder that tomorrow marks the first day of the much awaited birthday month. I believe there are 9 shopping days remaining. Those of you who think there are 10. . .you're wrong! I'm not accepting last minute gifts this year. I want some serious thought to go into your tokens of esteem. For those of you who have problems remembering my birthday, you might want to consider enrolling in my 3 step program that I like to call "Remember it or SUFFER Forever." I have a recent graduate of the program who has really shown exceptional improvement. JMF. . .your certificate of achievement is in the mail. Congratulations!

Need a Bic?

A few posts ago, I mentioned Katie Couric's legs. That stimulated a commentary of sorts from some of my favorite "commentors" about Baby Bop shaving her legs. Let me just say this. . .women should always shave their legs. Now, I'm not an extremist and I know as well as any woman that shaving is not always convenient or pleasant, but for crying out loud. . .IT MUST BE DONE. Sunday, during Relief Society, I was sitting above and behind a girl (who shall remain nameless to protect the hairy) who was wearing a knee length skirt and no hosiery. Not a problem. . .except for the fact that she hadn't shaved in at least 2 weeks. Now there is always the possibility that she is growing her hair out for an upcoming waxing session. I understand that, but if this were the case, she is obligated by the unwritten rule of women with good hygiene to wear a long skirt and/or tights. NO EXCEPTIONS. This topic has come up in conversation several times over the past few weeks and it has been determined by a expert panel of men and women that there is NOTHING attractive about a woman who doesn't shave. Please note that this rule does not apply to men. Remember that Virtues 1 & 2 enjoy facial hair. . .though back hair is only partially negotiable.

My Good Deed for the Day

Everyone can relate to this. You walk through a restaurant and when you sit down, your sister turns to you and says. . .your zipper is down. Maybe you go through an entire date with Kieffer only to realize that you sat through dinner with something green and slimy in your teeth. Last spring when we were flying back from London, there was a lady in line in front of us who had her pant size sticker stuck to the back of her thigh. It's a good thing she was a size 4 (brat). I bet everyone has endured an entire day with something on their butt. In the floral industry, it's not uncommon to wear lily "poop" (pollen) on your face for hours without anyone saying a word. So, today I decided to rescue someone from the ultimate in avoidable embarrassments. I glanced out to the front counter of the store and noticed a customer working with one of my cashiers. She was a rather large woman and the back of her skirt was tucked into her very white slip. MORAL DILEMMA. I turned to Adrienne and asked her what she thought our best course of action should be. Always brilliant--her response. . ."something needs to be done." My head was spinning. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but the thought honestly crossed my mind that maybe she had done it on purpose. Maybe she wanted to get a reaction out of the conservative BYU community. . .you know, one of those experiments they do for psychology classes. It also occurred to me that I might want to grab my camera so I could have some evidence of the incident for the blog. . .I refrained. When I was finally shaken to my senses, I decided that I'd do exactly what I would want someone to do for me. I casually walked behind the woman, said quickly "let me help you," pulled her skirt out the slip and walked back into my office. Apparently, she hadn't been aware of the situation and certainly hadn't planned the revelation. . .because she didn't hit me or yell at me and she actually seemed quite grateful. The moral of the story. . .slips always cause problems (ladies, you'll agree) and DO UNTO OTHERS. . .

Goodness Prevails

The verdict is in! Last night, Sarah, the kindergarten teacher from Nashville, defeated Moana the Terrible in a nail-biting season finale of The Bachelor in Paris. We had a French themed bachelor party at our place. It was a great time. . .made even better by the tearful removal of the drama diva. Sarah's victory is a media confirmation to every sweet single girl in the country. We shall prevail! Moana represents the hot needy drama queens of the world. Every comment out of her mouth last night was completely rehearsed and ridiculous. . ."Oh, Travis, you can see into my soul." PUKE! I mean really. What man honestly wants to be with someone who can unleash a fake tear at the drop of the hat? Shouldn't we all be searching for someone with emotional stability, realistic goals, and genuine likeability. . .like Sarah? She was fun, level-headed (as much as anyone could be under those circumstances), beautiful, and genuine. How could anyone not love her? I should explain that I no longer hold any hard feeling toward Moana. I'm trying to get back into a Zen state of mind and all hatred must be released. . .so now I just feel sorry for her. A special thanks to everyone who attended our french themed party and endured the Virtue's attempts at Vichyssois. The party is over. . .I guess Kimmy and I are headed back to FHE next week. Our group will be ecstatic. Bonjour!

What is Katie thinking?

STOP EVERYTHING. I have scary news. Remember by dear morning friend, Katie Couric? Well, word on the street is that she has been offered an evening anchor position at CBS. I'm a mess. She's part of my daily routine. Every morning she greets me with a pleasant (but not too pleasant) "Welcome to Today. I'm Katie Couric." As far as I'm concerned, a move to CBS would be a mistake. How will they ever re-vamp the Today jingle? Katie, Matt, Al, & Ann all of your TV. . .I'm singing out loud again. Besides, I aspire to her have her "wow" legs. . .they always hide news anchors behind a desk. What will I have to work towards?

Steve Hartman

I have a stinkin' cold and have been a little bit less than my usual 100% the last few days. Don't get alarmed and worry your pretty little heads. . .I'm going to make it through! Remember, I'm a tough Idaho girl. No sissy wimps allowed. Though, some chilled Frescas and a humidifier delivered to the GV 15 would be welcomed. So I was sitting on the "not so comfortable couch" watching the evening news last night with my box of tissues and happened to catch the CBS News "Hero of the week" segment. The news usually frustrates the hell out of me. It's all bad. . .bad people, bad businesses, bad leadership, bad hair. You get the point. So, I'm always excited to hear something happy when I tune in to my friend Bob Schiefer. I was especially enthused by this story, as I know the Utah High School Championship Tournament is this week. Don't even ask me how or why I know this. . .though I've hear that there are people crazy enough to take time off work to watch game after game of the tournament. Actually, after watching this broadcast, I might be tempted to do the same. Anyway, to the point. This particular story was about an autistic team manager of a high school basketball team. His name is Steve Hartman. The story explained that on the last game of the season, the coach of the team decided to give Steve a chance to suit-up with no real intention of playing him. With four minutes left in the game, the coach called Steve to the court. Steve threw his first shot. . .an airball (it looked like a shot I would have made). The second attempt hit the rim and bounced off. The third shot went in for 2. Now, this is where it gets exciting, folks. Steve shot a 3 pointer next and the crowd went wild. He shot again. . .another 3-pointer in the basket. This continued (6-3 pointer in a row) for a total of 20 points. Needless to say, the fans were going CRAZY. No one could believe it. . .20 points in four minutes. The interviewing reporter was talking to Steve's dad. . .now, this is where Michelle lost all control. The tears were flowing and my nose was running double time. I realized that there is something amazing about the human spirit. There is something amazing about watching someone who struggles (for whatever reason) succeed. There is something amazing that touches our hearts and helps us recognize the good in others. You all HAVE to watch the video clip at http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/eveningnews/main3420.shtml. It will change you. . .gotta run. I'm going to look up the schedule for this week's tournament.

Michelle as SJP

An article in USA Today (lifestyle section) featured our very own SJP. If you will recall, Kimmy and I are in a SJP look-alike contest. Melis has officially declared Kimmy the leader in the contest. I am desperately trying to gain the upper hand by studying the ins and outs of Sarah's style. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a pink tutu today with striped tights, a lace tunic and a stunning hairpiece to accent my perfect cheek bones. I don't know why everyone was looking at me when I walked into work. I guess they aren't used to seeing such a style diva. Anyway, I look hot SJP. So, eat that Kimmy (the not so SJP Virtue Sister). Here's the article!

We fell in love with Sarah Jessica Parker as capricious Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City because she lived the dreams and disappointments of every hardworking, unmarried, introspective, fashion-obsessed female we've ever known. In real life, she's married to actor Matthew Broderick and mother to baby boy James Wilkie Broderick. In her "free time," the busy actress makes time to be UNICEF's representative for the performing arts. Here she is looking very "Belle de Jour" in a retro palette of heathery pinks. Makeup artist Deborah Grayson tells us how to get her look.

Step 1: Always start with a clean, lightly moisturized face so that makeup will lie as smoothly as it can. For over-40 skin, Grayson suggests clients try microdermabrasion facials, which polish away surface debris.
Step 2: To get this makeup look, begin by applying a lilac-colored cream shadow to the entire lids with a fingertip.
Step 3: Next, using a rounded shadow brush, layer a matte, heathery lilac over the base color.
Step 4: With a freshly sharpened black pencil liner, you're going to make a thin yet dense line across the entire upper lash line. But you're not going to draw the line, says Grayson. To get a really fine line, dot the liner directly along the roots of the lashes in a "connect the dots" approach. No smudging, because you'll want to keep that line solid.
Step 5: Sketch a line under the lower lashes with a gray-blue pencil, then smudge with a cotton swab or pointed-tip sponge applicator.
Step 6: Apply two coats of black mascara to the upper lids. Then comb through them with a fine metal comb to separate and define lashes. Apply one coat of mascara to lower lashes.
Step 7:Brush up eyebrows with a no-color brow gel, which will enhance your natural arch and help keep brows in place.
Step 8: Dot a creamy pink-toned concealer under the lower orbits of the eyes, patting the concealer lightly with your finger until it's blended. You may want to go back and apply another light layer, but wait a few minutes until the first layer is settled by the warmth of your skin.
Step 9: With a soft makeup sponge, apply a flesh-colored, gel-based foundation to any areas of the face that appear blotchy. Blend any excess with a fresh sponge.
Step 10: Blot cheeks, chin, nose and forehead with a sheer loose powder using a flat velour puff.
Step 11: Using a rounded blush brush, lightly apply a heather-pink powder blush to the cheekbones only.
Step 12: Finish by lining the lips in a nude-pink liner, then filling the lips in with a soft, baby-pink sheer lipstick.

Eric Loves Beans & Rice

Mug-shot of our newly called missionary. How far did they raise that bar?
I can't believe I haven't posted this CONGRATULATIONS shout-out before now. Cousin Eric (a.k.a Cub Bear #3) received his mission call to Curituba, Brazil last week. He'll be leaving on May 31st. This seems like the perfect opportunity to comment on Cousin Eric and his many charms. First of all, Eric is a versatile man of many skills. I think he worked for some time at the Blackfoot cemetary; he has been a semi-used van salesman/refurbisher and definitely heads up the Blackfoot Hell's Angels bike club. He is often spotted around town on a scooter (which seems in strange proportion to his body). Most recently, Eric worked at Mr. Pizza, but now he's in Rexburg going to school and breaking hearts. Some might remember that Eric loves Golden Corral (though I don't think Golden Corral is very fond of Cousin Eric. . .he gets his moneys worth at all buffets). Others might recall his recent win at the family white elephant gift exchange. . .p.s. cross dressing is not allowed on the mission. Eric is a Virtue favorite. . .especially of Mary Lu. Not sure why, but I think he has her wrapped around his not so little finger. . .I suspect some sort of Hell's Angels blackmail. . .but that's a post for another day. Anyway, Eric--CONGRATULATIONS. I hope you like beans and rice. . .I hope even more that beans and rice like you.

Black Beauty Comes Home

I don't know what has gotten into me, but I have turned into a techno-diva. Well, not really a diva. . .more like a wanna-be diva. I have this sudden urge to purchase everything new, hip, and digital. New computer, TiVo, the XT, etc. I think I might be having some sort of semi-mid life crisis. It all came to a head yesterday when I purchased an iPod Nano. Some people buy a pack of gum on impulse, others might jump on a new keychain. I, on the other hand, go to buy some new blank cds and leave with an iPod. The fact of the matter is that is was just screaming my name. "Michelle, take me home. Michelle, I'm black and shiny. Michelle, I will get you through your 1/2 marathon training. Michelle, YOU NEED ME!" So, rather than fighting the inevitable, I brought Black Beauty home. . .where she belongs.

Miracles Can Happen, Can Happen to YOU

You're all going to think I' m really weird. . .wait, if you haven't figured that out by now, you're dumb! Anyway, today I have been blessed with 2 modern day miracles. First of all, I pulled in front of the CCF to drop something off this afternoon and when I returned to my car, the little parking ticket man was standing next to his bike writing me another ticket! Yep, he was riding a bike and writing a ticket. How can anyone take this guy seriously. He is wearing shorts in -20 degree Utah weather, he has blue fur on his coat collar, and he's riding a 10-speed. This time, I wasn't going to take such treatment lying down. If you will recall, a couple of months ago I begrudgingly wrote a $50 check to BYU parking for a ridiculous Sunday citation. So, I walked right up to his skinny little body and hair free face (he looked like he was 15) and said--"oh, no you don't!" I explained who I was and that I'd make him truly suffer his entire life if he placed the green envelope on my beautiful Passat windshield. He shuddered with fear and then bowed in reverence. I think he was in awe of my SJP style (I looked pretty damn hot today). Needless to say, I've committed (not been committed) to being more pro-active. NO more submissiveness. I'm taking a stand against adolescents. . .against injustice. . .against unfair punishment. The second miracle occurred ON the BLOG. Most of you are aware of the heart ache I've faced since my sidebar sunk several months ago. Well, as if the Heavens were smiling upon me today. . .the sidebar has risen. All is well, friends! Life is good! I am happy!

Sarah Bear

David and Alicia came down on Saturday evening with Laura and Eric. They are so much fun. . .especially little Sarah. We love her and want nieces and nephews ASAP. While Sarah was at the house, Irealized that I don't really have any "fun" stuff for little ones. If I want to be the favorite aunt, I had better start collecting cool kid stuff. You know, the kinds of things parents aren't allowed to give to their children. . .candy, movies, games, sticky stuff, etc.

Painting Palooza?

I love the smell of paint! So, I guess it's official, I love the smell of the new Loveless Homestead because it has a fresh coat from top to bottom. Calli has spent the last few weeks cleaning and prepping for painting and moving in. After a great deal of personal intropection and paint sampling, the colors were selected and Saturday the painting games began. I'm a stinker friend and had to leave after just a few hours of fun, but word on the street is that the finished product is absolutely smashing. Can't wait to see if for myself. Jeff is a painting expert. If anyone is interested, I think he might be willing to hire-out.
This is a scary pair! Check out their painting form. Perhaps a new business. . .Loveless Brothers Painting, Inc. Slogan. . .You Pick the Palette, We'll Paint it!

Ryan's Birthday Wishes

It was Ryan's birthday on Saturday. . .the big 25. Yep, he's officially in his mid-20s. Won't be long until 30 is knocking on his door. I'll tell you what, the boy milked his "big day" for all it was worth. Birthday wish # 14. . .Michelle can't paint. Birthday wish #15. . .dad can't eat healthy. Birthday wish #16. . .dinner at Training Table. For crying out loud. The kid had a whole bucket of birthday wishes. Come to think of it, I think he was granted every single one of them. Wow. Now I really can't wait for my birthday! Love you lots little brother. Hope you get that colon in good repair soon. It definitely has the potential to make the next 25 years pretty rough (literally).

Milky Waters

I think it's time I admit to having special connections. Mofia? Close, but not quite. Actually, I think the Big Man Upstairs can see when I'm in need of a respite. Yesterday I needed to get away. . .remember that Calgon commercial they used to show? That was me. So, I took part of the afternoon off to shoot some photos up the canyon. I'm still trying to get the hang of the XT (which is proving to be more challenging that I had once supposed). I'm tell you--that little devil is full of surprises. We loaded our gear and set out with Lori's 'bitchin' lenses to capture the essence of the snow covered oasis. Last week in our photography class we learned how to make running water look milky smooth. Well, we were suppose to have learned. I guess I didn't catch all of the instructions because there wasn't anything milky smooth about my water pictures. Mark said it was the lighting, but I think he was just trying to make me feel better. Ah, the beauties of nature! Fresh air and sunshine. . .two things I've been missing in my office for weeks. Why don't I take every Friday afternoon off to plod through the snow with my camera?
Best siting of the day goes to L#1. I think this daddy is looking for Bambi. Bambi, oh, Bambi, where are you? Word is that the 5 we saw atop the ridge were twice this fella's size. WOW! That's a lot of animal.
The self timer on my camera works! Have you ever heard of Photography With the Stars? I think it has the potential to be the next great reality TV show. I hope they'll pair me up with Kurt Rambis. I think he has some real photography potential. He would certainly do better behind the camera than in front of it.
Please note that there are only 20 shopping days until my birthday. . .20 days until we have the photography face-off. No worries, I have a few secrets up my sleeve.

Tony Danza

So, Loveless #1 had oral surgery on Tuesday. Honestly, the only thing that sounds worse than a root canal on Valentine's Day is being a florist, but that's all behind us now, right? While Mark was home recovering, he was faced with the realities of daytime television. How does anyone survive the junk on tv during any given weekday? It's ridiculous. Days of our Lives, Another World, the Bold & the Beautiful? You've got to be kidding me? They are full of complete ridiculousness. . .Ridge is in love with Taylor, but Brooke (whom he affectionately calls Logan) is pregnant with his baby--at least she's claiming it's his. If my life was even remotely similar to theirs, it would certainly spice up the old blog. . .though I might have to cut out a few things for Lula's sake. Mark reminded me that the only thing more disturbing to the average viewer than daytime drama is the fact that Tony Danza has his own talk show. For those of you who don't recognize the name, I'm sure our resident 80s TV expert (the other Veronica) could explain the finer points of Tony and his TV stint as a Connecticut maid for Judith Light. Let's just say this. . .Tony should have stayed in Connecticut with his mop and laundry basket. Shouldn't the television industry require some sort of certification to host a television show? It's obvious that there are no regulations on this industry. Who thought an hour of Kelly Rippa would be healthy for stay at home moms and their easily molded children? You might be disappointed to hear that Mark was probably the only one to catch the Westminster Dog Show on Tuesday's episode, but if you have a spare hour to waste today, you can hear Kathy Lee Gifford share her personal saga of love, lust, and plastic surgery. I'm going to opt out of Tony's Friday episode. . .General Hospital is on at the same time!

Amazon Woman

I NEED HELP! I’m addicted to Amazon.com. They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. . .so I’m taking my life back today. This all started when I decided to order a CD online a few months ago. It was so easy. No aimless searching through Media Play. No waiting in line. No helpless and or annoying salespeople. I simply logon, make my selection, and complete my purchase. It’s great! For crying out loud—I don’t even have to type in my credit card or shipping information anymore. They know me so well that it’s not necessary. I’m a VIP customer. I especially love it when my friend Amazon makes recommendations. It’s amazing. He always knows exactly what I’d like. It’s so exciting to look in my mailbox after a long day of work and see my purchase magically appear. Amazon, I love you! Let’s be friends forever.

Turtles transmit diseases

Those of you who are familiar with the Provo skyline will be sad to hear that the Ream's Grocery Store (formerly an ice-skating rink) on Freedom was demolished last week to make way for a new student housing development. It was fondly called the Turtle and has actually been sitting empty for a couple of years. I must admit that I only shopped there if I was truly desperate. I'm all about esthetics and the poorly little turtle reminded me of a deserted bomb shelter. It was one of those grocery stores where dust collects on some of their merchandise and you wonder how long the Minute Rice has been on the shelf. . .hoping it hasn't petrified into on mass of processed carbohydrate. Besides, I heard that 'turtles' transmit diseases. Out with the old and in with the new.

Sacrifice

Remember how I missed 24 & The Bachelor in Paris last night? I deserve a raise for that alone. Don't worry. I have made arrangements to see 24 sometime very soon. Word on the street is that Jack's daughter is back. The Bachelor is more of a "can't miss" for me right now because once you find out who has been voted off, the episode is ruined. Fortunately, the Loveless brothers are great about keeping me in the Bachelor loop. I can't believe Travis gave a rose (my least favorite thing on the planet tonight) to Moana. Notice her before and after Dr. Rey (Dr. 90210) shots. She is such a freak! In fact, she reminds me of a girl that I used to work with. . .her name was Sue, but I liked to call her Sue Sue full of cat POOO. Of course, my favorite Bachelorette is Sarah. She is sweet and perfectly perfect for Travis. For heaven's sake, the girl lives blocks from him in Nashville. How incredible is that? Why is it that some men can't see a great thing when it's staring them right in the face? I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I hope Travis doesn't think of himself as a good judge of character. Maybe he needs someone like me sitting on his shoulder whispering sweet tidings of goodness and sensibility into his HOT little ear. I should give him a call tonight on my way home.

What the world needs now is LOVE sweet LOVE!

It's OVER! I'm sitting at my desk and it's silent--except for the soothing hum of the coolers. The phones have stopped ringing, all of my employees have gone home, and the coolers are nearly empty (a success in the floral industry). I thought about going home, but my body tells me it would be too much work to walk to my car. . .so I'm taking a moment to review the holiday and put it to emotional rest. Now, don't get me wrong. . .2/15 always has the potential for scariness. . .problems that come out of the Valentine's woodwork. I guess I'll face the music and pray we didn't make any mistakes. I've learned something new today. Love is powerful. Despite all of my Cupids Kinda Stupid cynicism, I really believe that the world is full of 'love sweet love.' Yep, I'm now swaying in my chair singing like Karen Carpenter and wondering if the Accessibility Center would let me borrow one of their spare wheelchairs to get to the parking lot. Love must be powerful if people are willing to stand in long lines, pay significant amounts of money, and for many, agonize over the perfect way to say "I love you." I guess what I'm saying is that, in the end, after the holiday dust has settled, Cupid may not be so Stupid afterall.

Single and LOVING every minute of it!

I'm still at work. I spent most of the day running around snapping orders--hoping people believe I actually know what I'm doing. In actuality, I'm scared spitless. There aren't many things in my life that truly "worry" me to the point of nausea, but Cupid has cast a spell of terror on my soul and I dread 2/14. It's like everyone on the planet converges on my space. . .friends, associates, enemies, strangers. Everyone wants a piece of me on this day of love. While most people would be excited to have all this attention, I'd prefer to crawl into my bed with some Pero and a good book and truly enjoy a Valentine's Day--for once. Oh, I'd kill for a hot bath right now! This is my 13th Valentine's Day with sore feet, raw hands, and stinging eyes. Maybe next year I'll take the day off. The nice thing is that because I'm single there's no pressure to fulfill any personal Valentine expecations. I can go home tomorrow night, soak my little feet and revell in the joy that there are a full 364 days left to the Stupid day of Cupid! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the last minute customers who race in with that look of fear on their faces. . .you know the one. Their wife is going to kill them if they don't come home with something. . . anything. I'm grateful for flowers. . .they are beautiful (even today when I've seen 8 boogerillion). I'm grateful for the amazing people I work with. I'm grateful for a job that brings joy.

Single on Valentine’s? Hooray!By C.J. ArabiaValentine’s Day isn’t just for the happily (and unhappily) coupled of the world; it’s for us singles as well. So don’t sell yourself short by thinking you need a boyfriend or girlfriend to take advantage of February 14th. This is your day, too! Valentine’s Day gives us the opportunity to celebrate our independence from bad co-dependent relationships with people we never really liked that much anyway—and that’s worth sending greeting cards about! Here are five ways to make the most of this “romantic” holiday even if you’re flying completely solo.

Invest in a you-tual fund.
If you’re feeling sad about not having love on Valentine’s Day, just think of all the money you would spend if you did: Guys, paying for dinner. Ladies, buying a new outfit and getting your hair done. Now you can use that money to pamper yourself. Do something that’s just for you, like an evening at the spa. Note: Most spas are empty on Valentine’s Night. You can walk right in without an appointment, and you’ll pretty much have the place to yourself.

Treat it like Thanksgiving
Make a list of all the things you personally have to celebrate about being single this year. For instance, I can celebrate not having to feign excitement over red roses and chocolate truffles from my ex when, if he had ever paid any attention, he’d have known I like Gerbera daisies and caramel corn. I can take pleasure in the fact that there’s not a guy sitting on my sofa playing video games all day long while I’m at work, and nobody’s leaving dirty drawers on my floor as if some magic fairy is going to pick them up and wash them some day. Best of all, I get the bathroom all to myself whenever I want. Thank you, Cupid! Let yourself go (just a little bit)We all know the image of the stereotypical single on Valentine’s Day moping around in sweats. Stop thinking of that as depressing and instead, consider it a welcome invitation to do exactly that for 24 hours. You don’t have to brush your hair or your teeth, and the day is yours to wallow in self-pity if you please. Just don’t forget to thank dear, sweet St. Valentine that you have the freedom to do so!

Clean your House of Love
Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to do some ghost-busting: Get rid of all those old love letters and stuffed animals from your exes that linger like the spirits of Valentine’s Days past. Consider this a way of getting yourself ready for a real love. Pick up a bottle of wine, go over to your best single friend’s house, and torch those love letters in the fireplace. On February 15th, drop all those stuffed animals off at a children’s charity on your way to a drug store to pick up some of that leftover half-price Valentine’s Day chocolate. It’s good for your soul and your tummy.

Throw a party
One of my favorite things about being single on Valentine’s Day is the Anti-Valentine’s Day Party. Have you heard of this phenom? Some lucky single person — usually whoever in your group has most recently been through a breakup — gets to throw this party. He or she invites all his or her single friends, who bring more single friends, and so on. A room full of singles getting together on the Day of Love... add some cocktails, snacks and strapless dresses to the mix, and you get a really fun party with no depressing end-of-the-night moment when you see everyone else leaving with a soul mate. After all, we’re single, not dead. Let’s exercise our right to have fun solo. So this year, fellow singles, put Cupid on hiatus and embrace your freedom. Treat yourself with the love you usually give to someone else by celebrating Valentine’s Day any way you like—or not!

Cheney shoots. . .people listen!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11312757/

Word is that Vice President Cheney accidentally shot a man while he was quail hunting. If that's not evidence enough that hunting is 'FOR THE BIRDS,' I don't know what is!

Because I Care

My second installment in the Cupid, You're Kinda Stupid series is inspired by a card message I read today which originated from a CCF customer. It went something like this--"I'd ask you to be my Valentine, but you know how I hate standing in line. Love, Dad." I'm no sap, but is that not the sweetest thing you've ever heard? I always tell customers that the card message is the most important part of their floral token. It's imperative that you write a message! I don't care if you're just forwarding old mail to a former roommate--include some sort of personal note. "hey! we miss you"; "I want my flat iron back, you little booger"; "Where did you hide the plunger?" ANYTHING will do! I have to admit that sometimes the simpler the better. I once knew someone whose token phrase was simply and beautifully--"Because I care." This little article should help those of you who are struggling with cupid's notes of love. Just remember that only the stupid omit the message.

Dating & Relating
Love letters 101
By Dan Bova

You know she’d like a little love note this time of year, but does the thought of putting pen to paper make you clam up? Get over it with these tips.

1. 1. Short can be sweetLetting a woman know you care about her doesn’t require you to fill 800 pages of parchment. Often, spontaneous little love notes make a bigger impression. So go ahead and send a funny Valentine’s Day card or another short form. Says Pam, 30, from Albany, New York: “I’m dating a guy who sends me postcards a lot. They’re great because they make me laugh and let me know he’s thinking of me.” When selecting a card, have fun. The goofier, the better — send one from the town you both live in! And the great thing is that rather than some intimidating big ol’ blank sheet of paper to fill, you’ve got this limited space that demands you write short and cute and get to the adorable point.
2. Use your standard vocabulary. We know, we know: We’ve all been raised to believe that a love letter should be written in verse with lots of flowery words. But leave the ere’s, whilst’s and whither’s to one side and use your everyday vocabulary. “I’d much rather hear that someone finds me as delightful as hot cocoa on a cold day than all that fake poetic stuff,” says Monica, 29, of Exeter, Massachusetts. “When a guy lays it on too thick, with the fancy language and rhymes, it just doesn’t feel as if he’s being sincere. I got a letter once that was so over-the-top, it really felt as if the guy was trying to convince himself that he had these big emotions, rather than truly communicating with me.” So speak from your heart, not a rhyming dictionary – tell her what she reminds you of, how her smile makes you feel – and you’ll win her over.
3. Win her over with the un-letter. Another path to her affection? Creativity. Send her a doodle you did while thinking of her, or design a faux fortune cookie insert with a message customized for her. Or try this idea from Fred, 38, of Austin, Texas: “Sometimes I’ll send my girlfriend silly little love notes — I’ll tear a photo of a puppy out of a magazine and send it to her with a Post-It on it saying something like, ‘Could this be cuter than you…? Impossible!’ just to cheer her up and let her know how I feel about her.”Are you the kind who just can’t seem to get your act together — never have stamps on hand? Better to express a little love than none at all, so why not ditch the written form and leave her a voicemail or send an email. Even if it only amounts to, “Hey, thinking of you, Sunshine!” she’ll be happy to know she’s on your mind.
4. Learn the ABCs of L-O-V-E. In a recent Match.com poll, women sent a strong message about what doesn’t make their heart beat faster in an email message: Poor grammar and spelling. Observes Dr. Pat Love, Ed.d, author of The Truth About Love, “Correct spelling is important because women want to believe that the person they are dating is at least of average intelligence! And especially with email, spell checking doesn’t take any time to do. It’s easy. So if a man sends you an email full of typos, it says that he just dashed it off and sent it without giving it a second thought. That he doesn’t really care and he’s not taking it seriously.”
5. Jog her memoryIf you’re feeling at a loss about what to say, use your shared moments as your fodder. By mentioning something that you two experienced together, you’re forging a stronger connection. Says David, 41, of Berkeley, California, “Sometimes I want to send a card, but it feels so impersonal to just sign it. What I usually do is refer back to our time together — I’ll say, the color of this envelope reminded me of that sweater you wore the night we met. Just something simple like that, and she tells me I’m the most romantic guy.”
6. Get too forward at your own risk. Remember, when someone is reading what you wrote, they can’t tell your tone of voice. Something that might sound sarcastic or goofy coming out of your mouth might look sleazy and just plain gross on paper. “Don’t get too romantic too quickly and certainly don’t use any sexual innuendos too soon,” cautions Pat. “Remember, females are designed to warm up slowly.” So until you really, really, really get to know one another, leave adjectives like “throbbing” to the Danielle Steeles of the world.

CUPID, you're kinda STUPID. . .

You might have noticed that my posts this past week have been less frequent. You might have also noticed that the dreaded 2/14 is upon us. Yep, there's a correlation! You don't manage a floral shop and hope to get much action from cupid. Don't get me wrong, I love making Valentine cards, sugar cookies, and sucking in the sappiness of the holiday, but those to support the hopeless romantic in their endeavors to impress are like Santa's elves in December. So, over the next few days, my comments are likely to be inspired by the events in our own little CCF. This is the first installment in my Valentine's Day 2006 series: Cupid, You're Kinda Stupid! You'll all enjoy this article entitled the 5 WORST Valentine's Day gifts.

Lingerie: Who are we kidding? The gift of a see-through teddy or a bustier with garters and stockings is really a gift for you, gentlemen, not her. Oh sure, women want to like sexy lingerie, but snaps and hooks can be a lot of work. And if the woman doesn’t feel confident and only notices this bulge and that patch of cellulite when she sports that teddy, she isn’t likely to wear it. A soft, sexy cashmere sweater or a pair of silky soft pajamas are more likely to make her feel sexy, which will be a win for you in the long run.

Gas-station flowers: Not just those, but boxes of candy purchased at your office cafeteria or little stuffed animals grabbed at the check-out stand at the grocery store. Nothing says, "I didn’t even think about this" more than those gifts. Retailers lay in wait each year, lining up trinkets just for you last-minute shoppers. Instead of grabbing the first thing you see, spend a few minutes thinking about something she would really enjoy before you enter the store. There’s a good chance the most meaningful gift isn’t in that store, and won’t cost you a dime. Think!

Gym membership: If what you’re trying to say is ,"I love you, you big fat pig," this is the gift for you. If you want to continue to live in your own home, save it for another time. Perhaps you’re thinking "I’m giving a gift of a healthy heart, from the heart"? Maybe so, but it would take a very confident, special woman to see the heart-felt gesture in the big-fat-pig mirror. Alternative suggestion: A gift certificate for a pedicure or a massage. Nothing says lovin' like a little feet pampering.

Clichéd jewelry: Want to give a true gift from the heart? Forget the heart-shaped pendant. It rings particularly hollow if she hasn’t worn jewelry since her high-school prom. What’s so wrong? These trinkets can be found everywhere as Valentine’s Day approaches and all but scream "last-minute purchase." Give it some thought: Would you give this for her birthday or Christmas? If so, buy to your heart’s content. If not, consider an attractive watch, which will show you’ve always got time to think about what makes her happy.

Household goods: No vacuums. No George Foreman grills. Nothing that says "housework." That is the gift that keeps on giving ... her a headache. Valentine’s Day may be a greeting-card holiday, but with a little effort, you can add a touch of true romance. How about a lovely picture frame with a shot of her favorite person inside? (You, maybe?) Or a quiet dinner together alone. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, as long as it’s from the heart.
By Denise Hazlick, Entertainment Editor

Shoot it, Lee!

I don't think I have ever completely understood the rivalry between BYU and the U. . .that is until last night. Yes, I'm a decendant of BYU fans, I graduated from BYU, and I work for BYU--this simply means that there is no option, but to hate our red neighbors to the north. . .a feeling that was completely confirmed the second we drove onto Utah's campus. Let me preface the remainder of my post with this note--I have friends who go to the U. . .U know who U are (Trevor J., David V., etc.) and I have a great deal of respect for you, but you're going to the wrong school! First of all, there was no parking on that stinkin' campus. . .so we rode Trax. That's fine. I have nothing against public transit. In fact, I sometimes enjoy it, but we waited forever in the cold for the train to come and then I was trapped under some old guys armpit for the duration of our trip. We trudged through the mud to get to the Huntsman Center which was completely shrowded in RED and I literally thought I had entered the inferno of hell. We quickly found our seats--safe within section QQ with the other BYU loyals and it was there that I came to understand the rivalry. Ute fans are obnoxious. . .BYU fans are gracious (a slight exaggeration perhaps). It's as simple as that. The theme for last night's rivalry adventure came from our neighbors to the north (the sweet BYU fan Temple Square missionaries that were seated in the row behind us). One of the little ladies had this high nasal voice, but that's beside the point. Everytime Lee Cummard (plays guard for BYU) would even come close to the ball or look at it, for that matter, we'd hear from behind, "SHOOT IT, LEE." It didn't matter that there were 3 guys on top of him or that he was at half court. They didn't care--"SHOOT IT, LEE! SHOOT IT!" I think those little missionaries had more faith on their row than the remainder of the arena. Despite the fact that BYU lost miserably 79-60, my shoes are a bit muddy, and I had a terrible nightmare last night about being trapped in a giant armpit (the Huntsman Center). . .I LOVED IT. Jeff, of all people kept reminding me to "enjoy the experience." He's so wise! SHOOT, Lee, SHOOT!

LETTING LOOSE

Friday night we went to dinner with Loveless #2 and his Lady Loveless. Now, I can't reveal our conversation in complete detail. . . .as Ryan would probably try to lock me in a completely unventilated room and communicate, but I can say this--let's all let loose more often. Isn't it great when you feel completely comfortable around friends? I'm not exactly sure when or how it happens, but in every long-term and meaningful friendship, you get to a certain point where it's okay to just be yourself. Lots of "for examples". . .I can say 'damn' and 'hell' around Krista and she doesn't even flinch; I can ask Jeff stupid sports questions and he doesn't think I'm a dumb girl (or maybe he does. . .but he never says it to my face); I can do my special leg in the air trick with French subtitles around Kimmy and Mary Alice without any qualms; the girls at work are fine when I'm silent and don't want to talk; Jared J. and I fight openly and we're still friends; L #2 can talk about his TP preferences and give testing examples at the dinner table; Calli and I find ourselves completing one another's sentences; I can sense the kindredspiritness (a new word) of Melis, whose spirit is always near the Grandview; Laura and I enjoy singing made up songs and leaving them on Kimmy's voicemail; L #1 licks his bowl when he's over for dinner; Kirsti and I secretly eat patty melts at Stan's every Valentine's Eve; Stephen's "best buns in town" are up for conversation anytime; and the list could go on and on. I've decided that I need to let loose more often and let go of my inhibitions (well, maybe not all of them). . .but I think we all could stand to be a bit more genuine, a little more sincere, and a lot more REAL. It's liberating!

Valentine's Palooza

It's Valentine's Palooza! Every year Alicia throws a party to rival all parties. This year was no exception. All the girls gathered for an afternoon of crafting, snacking, and card-making. Watch out, cupid! Here we come. Jenny selected a lovely Valentine print to send to her special someone. What a lucky guy!
Check out Alicia (the hostess with the mostess) and our handsome semi-host, Jeremiah. Maybe cupid's arrow will land on this cute little couple.
Craft Divas--UNITE!

With Deepest Sympathy

To all of my fellow SeaHawks fans, it's a tough day for all of us so I'm sending my deepest love and sympathy. Our loss yesterday was severe, but we shall undoubtedly rise above the heartache. When we were watching the game yesterday, someone brought to the attention of everyone in the room that my investment in the game was actually quite minimal--as I only knew the name of one player and the coach of the SeaHawks. Okay, so I'm not an avid NFL fan, but I play one on TV. . .I now owe Ryan dinner, Cub Momma an apology, and will never hear the end of my trash talking from The Other Veronica. I guess there's always next season. Go SeaHawks. Did anyone (besides Ryan) notice who sang the national anthem?

New Tires. . .FREE Beef?

This morning I saw a commercial for Les Schwab (pictured above) Tires. I happen to really enjoy Les Schwab--he's a Man's Man. The Virtue family takes all their cars to the LST in Blackfoot because they're quick and oh, so friendly. In fact, I was calculating this morning and the Virtue family owns around 50 tires--including spares. That's a lot of rubber! No wonder the Les Schwab team treats us so well. We're probably VIP customers. Did you know that Les Schwab has a program where you purchase tires at get FREE BEEF? What in the world is that all about? What ever happened to a punch card. . .buy 10 tires get the 11th free? These people have taken advertising promotions to the next level. They obviously know their customers. . .that's for sure! Men typically buy tires (unless you're a hot single Michelle or Alicia. . .who now buy their own) and let's face it, real men enjoy their meat. Buy tires, get meat. Buy tires, get meat. Buy tires, get meat. This is life-changing. I happen to know guys who travel far and wide (i.e. Chicago) for the "perfect" steak. Don't need to waste your money on the airfare any longer. . .just head over to your local Les Schwab tire store to buy tires & GET MEAT.

Fooey on Phil

FYI--Phil the groundhog saw his shadow today. You know what that means. . .another 6 weeks of winter wonderland. I'm trying to maintain a pleasant attitude about the news. Take a look at Phil. He's looking pretty spry, huh? http://www.groundhog.org/

Michelle's TIPS

• Valentine's day is quickly approaching and I was reminded last night of my WORST date. His name was Joel. He was in our ward during the Red Mansion era. We stopped at the Pizza Hut next to the Riviera (the kind where they only do take-out) and Joel ate a box of breadsticks in the car while I sat and watched the disgusting display. Then we stopped at his friends house so he could show me his supply of hacky-sacks that he had shipped in from Guatamala (where he served his mission). The night continued in such a fashion and I was never so glad to be dropped off at my doorstep in my entire life. Story number two (I'll tie these together, I promise): A few years back I had a crush of sorts on Elliot Bagley (name unchanged). Now, this relationship was doomed from the beginning because Elliot (as well as Michael Torrie--who some of you might know) was one of our home teachers. Anyway, Michael and Elliot would come over for the occassional visit and through the course of our time together, Elliot would give Michael "tips." These tips generally had to do with Michael's relationships with girls. For example, Elliot might remind Michael not to tell girls that they look tired. In memory of my worst date ever and the Michael and Elliot years, I'd like to offer my own set of "tips" with the hopes that I can help humankind avoid the "worst date" scenario.Girls like compliments.
• Girls like guys who care if they make it home at night.
• Girls like notes, cards, and voice mail messages (don't hang up!).
• Girls like guys who smell good.
• Girls like it when guys PLAN a date.
• Girls like guys who take their trash out.
• Girls like guys who guide them into a room by putting their hand on the small of their back.
• Girls like a guy with a clean car.
• Girls like guys who keep them safe (wait for ALL girls to get into their house or car when you drop them off).
• Girls like guys who sincerely ask "how are you?"
• Girls like guys who "think of them". . .with a flower, favorite song, etc.
• Girls like guys who pay attention to the little things.
• Girls like guys who treat their mom and sisters well.
• Girls like guys who know when to pursue and when to let go.
• Girls like guys!

To all my girlfriends out there. . .what do you like? Maybe I'll have a guest blog poster provide a guys list of their likes. That would only be fair, right? Let me know if any of you are willing to volunteer.