Not mentioning any names, but I overheard a conversation yesterday that made my stomach turn. Two girls were talking and one started complaining about how she can't seem to find "the one" guy who can see into her soul. Her friend responded with an enthusiastic suggestion to visit an LDS singles website. Just a warning--if anyone mentions that to me, they're sure to find this picture postcard in their mailbox.
This is one of the worst pictures I've taken in a while, but keep in mind that I was about 30 feet back and trying not to attract suspicion.
Here's the story--Kimmy and I were leaving work and were forced to follow this to our cars. What in the world? Needless to day, we skipped dinner. No appetite after witnessing this Wranger/sneaker DISASTER!
So I'm at the gym this morning trying to pass the time reading my Lucky magazine and I come across an advertisement featuring some classic pick-up lines. I thought some of you might try these out and let me know how they work for you.
Oh my gosh--you've got to be kidding me! If any women--or man, for that matter, responded in a positive manner to any one of these lines--they should be shot! Wait a minute. . .I let Bob Weiner onto my calendar with a . . ."how are you beautiful?" He's old, married, and uses completely uncreative pick-up lines. Maybe I should be the first one to face the firing squad.
Bob Weiner is one of my sales reps. I wish I had a picture of him to post because his appearance perfectly matches his name and personality. Instead, I'll give a brief description that will certainly pale in comparison to the real-life BOB. Bob must be in his early sixties. He has a full head of salt and pepper hair and stands around 5'9." Bob is broad and Jewish. His wife is lds. In fact, Bob often attends church with Wendy and speaks at the occassional fireside. Bob is from Baltimore and still has a bit of an accent which adds to his overall charisma. Meeting with sales reps isn't my favorite thing to do, but I LOVE it when Bob calls me up with his usual--"hey beautiful, how are ya?" How can you refuse an appointment with that type of greeting? Bob always saunters in a few minutes late and usually comments on the BYU parking mess. I laugh--knowing he really doesn't mind or he wouldn't even visit our shop. Bob sells scrapbooking merchandise. This line of business does not match Bob's character. In fact, it would be like me selling tires. Inevitably, Bob has a joke to share--always cleaning it up (somewhat) for my innocent BYU ears. I love that he always asks me about Lori--whom he affectionately calls "The Baby Maker". Bob and I often have religious conversations, discuss politics, share notes about our favorite TV shows (he loves Dancing with the Stars), and the finer points of raising children (of which I know next to nothing). It seems like Bob always leaves me thinking. He asks things like-- "Why aren't pregnant women wearing maternity clothes?" "How do they make toothpicks?" "Why aren't you married?" "Why did Meg Ryan get Botox?" My question for Bob (which I'm too chicken to ask)--Have you ever thought of changing your name?
Happy Friday the 13th? After a great deal of introspection, I've decided that I'm not superstitious. A few weeks ago when I was in Boise some loon opened a huge black umbrella in the temple waiting area. What was he thinking? Not only did he do the unthinkable, but he did it in the temple. You could hear audible gasps from those nearby. I, on the other hand, found it rather commical. The funniest thing about it is that since the umbrella incident, I've had lots of good luck. Remember how I saw my American idol, Aaron Neville? I have a new TV. My pants are finally headed to the "pre-holiday" fit. Black is back. Yesterday was magazine day. I think Kieffer Sutherland called my cell phone yesterday. Yep--I'm going to have an umbrella opening party at my place. . .maybe I'll have it tonight--double the superstition. . . .double the pleasure. . .double the fun.
For those of you who wonder what I do. . .THIS is it. Don't you think I have the most incredible job on the planet?
If you don't know what today is, you should be ashamed of yourself. Everyone is talking about it. It's exactly T-2 months to my birthday! Hope everyone has their construction paper chain hanging. You know I do. Hope 29 treats me as well as 28. Dang, I look good for an old lady.
You will all be relieved to hear that GV15 is back in the world of modern technology. We've been without a tv for several months and, for the most part, it has been a growing experience. During our brief stint away from the television, I've finished several books. . .including The Secret Life of Bees, Nights in Rodanthe, Stiff, and The Unexpected Romance of Kate Bjorkman. Of course, the reason the TV fell into disrepair in the first place is so Kimmy and I would finish the BofM. . .which we did (with time to spare). We even considered not replacing the TV and going without--as we were becoming quite accustomed to life without it. I'm telling you--tv holds us back! During our tv free time, we were a kinder--gentler apartment. We had more dinner parties, made more frequent calls to friends far and near. We read books, had stimulating conversation, finished looming projects, spent lots of time at the gym, cleaned our closets, and de-cluttered our lives. All in all, it was a great experience. On the other hand, I hate going to work and not having a clue about any current events. The thought of missing the 24 season premier makes me sick to my stomach, and Emeril hasn't been able to turn my cooking "up a notch" for weeks. All in all, I think the loss of the tv was a good thing for our home and in turn, the return of the tv is a truly blessed occassion. We've learned a valuable lesson over the past several weeks about ourselves and the use of our time. The way I see it, people that watch an excessive amount of tv often end up living in a cardboard box. . .much like the giant one our tv came in.
Kimmy is so excited! She loves the new addition.
A fond farewell to our faithful 20" tv/vcr combo. We had some good times, didn't we?
So, for those of you who haven't been over for a few months because you couldn't watch "the" football game or didn't want to miss that special episode of your favorite daytime drama. . .come on over. There's a beautiful 27" television awaiting your visit. . .no stimulating conversation required.
I realized something over the weekend--men don't understand the power of cologne! Saturday night we were in a restaurant with some friends and I was standing by some guy in the waiting area who smelled like heaven. I recognized the scent immediately--Acqua di Gio by Armani. I couldn't see his face and, quite frankly, I couldn't have cared less what he looked like. . .he WAS heaven. If men understood the effect fragrance had on women they'd all be out hunting down their next "chick magnet" cologne. Our friend Paul always smells great. For months we commented on his cologne, but he wouldn't reveal its name. Finally after a great deal of persusion (whining) he finally gave up the name of his secret scent. Apparently, Paul's secret was PIMP. That was the name of his fragrance--Pimp. I wouldn't have wanted to tell people that either. . .no wonder he held out for so long. Apparently, the Virtue olfactory senses aren't as refined as we once thought. Paul had us swooning over some cheap knock-off. The moral of the story. . .men who wear cologne are more likely to go "big pimpin?'"
So one of my goals for the year is to read the Old Testament. . .since the last time I read it was in seminary about a million lifetimes ago. I started yesterday, but was quickly reminded why I haven’t read it in 10 years. It’s so stinkin’ long—almost 1,200 pages! What was I thinking? Do they have Old Testament cartoon DVDs?
I have spring fever. Considering it's only the 6th of January, that's scary. Someone was in my office today and commented on the photos I have hanging of the Tulip Festival in Washington and I wanted to bury my scarf and trade it for my sunglasses and sunscreen. In order to prevent a serious bout of winter depression, I hung this quote above my phone--"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." --Anne Bradstreet. I think my friend Anne is right--I LOVE WINTER. . .but only because it's followed by SPRING.
This has been driving me crazy for months! Remember in The Wedding Planner when Eddy tells Mary that his mother wanted him to be Fred Astaire, but he wanted to be Marcus Welby? For years I’ve felt like a complete idiot because I had no idea who Marcus Welby was. Well, for those of you who have been living in the dark with me. . .he is a television character from the 1970s. http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/M/htmlM/marcuswelby/marcuswelby.htm
In an Organizational Behavior class I took a few years back, our instructor told us that to ensure successful goal-setting we should share the goal with those around us and talk about it often. So, here are my 2006 aspirations.
Doable, don't you think? I mean, think of the things I've done in 2005.
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Goals
My toenails must be painted! I think it makes my feet look refined and feminine--nail polish takes them beyond functionality. So I was doing a little bit of refining and realized that one of the reasons I love polish is that it comes in about a million different colors with the greatest names. My current color is Mauve-a-rita, Por Favor. Bet you can't beat that. My feet tingle just thinking about it. Maybe I'll quit my job and become a nail polish namer.
This post is not recommended for innocent eyes. The items received at the 2005 McNeel white elephant gift exchange may be unsuitable for children. If you'll recall, this is the exchange mom was unwilling to give up the Cub Scout Bear for! Each year the gifts get more and more outrageous. This year I was the happy recipient of a wonderful moose basket full of goodies. Upon further inspection, I realized that the chocolates in the basket were a strange shade of gray--almost the color of a regular elephant.
The party started to warm up a bit when Uncle John (far left) opened a scalp massager that claims to stimulate hair growth. How ironic that he and Uncle Wally were sitting by one another when the precious gem was opened. It looks like Wally has a great deal of faith in the wirey product. Look for these three gentlemen next Saturday morning on the "paid for TV" advertisements with "before" and "after" pictures.
For several years my grandpa's old slippers have made their way around the family. They are well worn and holy--HOLEY. The only saving grace is that they don't stink. Well, it would appear that the stars were aligned and the newest member of the family is now the proud owner of the infamous slippers. It's a lot like the story of Cinderella, isn't it? Congratulations, Eric! Hope to see you and the slippers next year.
Things took a turn for the worse when Eric (cousin Eric--not to be confused with brother-in-law Eric) opened a gift brought by the Virtues. The wig, leopard print manicure set, and a lovely tube-top were all ONE gift. What a find! Please note two things. First of all, it's frightening how well his facial hair matches his new tresses. Secondly, the tube-top filling was a loaner from another participant.
Yep--this was the finale of the Christmas festivities. . .Uncle Wally opened the golden nugget. This must be explained to avoid any confusion or offense (actually you still might be confused or offended after the explanation. . .but at least I tried). My Aunt Leah (who is absolutely crazy) had breast cancer and thought it would be pretty darn funny to include one of her prosthetic breasts in a special Christmas package for all to enjoy. Poor Uncle Wally looked as though he'd seen a ghost when he opened the brilliant booby. He warmed up to the idea rather quickly and proceeded to use it as a hat. I'm not sure what John is trying to do. Personally, I don't like hairy boobies, but to each his own.
Until next year. . .
Dad provides yet another magical moment in front of the camera! Don't you think he looks like Walter Matthau in Dennis the Menace with the Chicklets on his teeth?
Labels:
Virtues
In general, I hate bumper stickers. They can make any car look cheap and trashy. I did find one exception and wanted to post it for Veronica's mom. Can you tell which of these stickers I found most ap"peal"ing? I spent Wednesday night at my aunt's house in Boise. Her son is on a mission in NJ. . .so I slept in his room. Better get rid of this dresser before he gets back. He might find it inappropriate. I, on the other hand, tried to peal the sticker off for myself so R. Park could put it on her ceiling fan, but it was pretty attached to that dresser drawer.
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