Where have you been all my life?

I know what you're all thinking. You think I've died. You think I'm dating Rob Lowe. You think I'm a slacker. You think Rob Lowe died and I'm a slacker in mourning. You're so WRONG.

The bitter reality of my blogging absence can be directly linked to a technological tragedy. Our computer has suffered a serious mainframe meltdown & is currently being repaired by some very expensive "experts." Life without the glowing screen of a desktop is misery. It's like someone stole my red shoes from the closet, walked around our dog-pooh infested lawn while wearing them, and left them to fester inside a moldy jack-o-lantern. In other words--it's my worst nightmare.

I suppose I'm over exaggerating. The truth is that it's probably a blessing in disguise. Look at me--always seeing the silver lining. I'm such the optimist. In the last week, I've come to realize that blogging is my therapy. It's my outlet--my current creative genius. I need it.

For those of you who have been going to my blog--hoping against all hope that something new will appear, I thank you. You have my deepest apologies. I've been you. I blog-stalk, too. In fact, I too depend upon the ordinary lives of others to entertain. So, I vow to make it up to you. I promise that from this day forward, computer or no computer, I will post something. When you arrive at work, there will be something here for you. I can't promise that it will be anything good, but there will be something.

Here's a quick rundown of the last 10 days. . .

1. I broke down & drank a Diet Dr. Pepper. I'm substituting my need for computer time with mildly addictive stimulants. I feel fine about it.
2. Alicia came for a visit and we chose to workout together instead of going to breakfast. She is darling & HOT.
3. Our stock-room flooded again. The sound of running water makes me want to pee.
4. Cub Bear #2 & Lori had their baby today. He came out ready to eat a burger. I LOVE that & will post pictures as they become available.
5. Jeffrey and I went to a basketball game together. He is quite handsome & deserves a woman. I hope I like her.
6. CCF had it's 3rd annual Christmas Preview Night. It was anti-climatic.
7. I finished and successfully hung a monster wreath in the Museum of Art. It weighed a ton & as far as I know, it's still hanging from the rafters. Please pray it doesn't fall on anyone and cause an early demise. . .unless it's one of my arch nemesis. . .then it might be okay.
8. Kimmy and I had another run-in with a gigantic spider. He is no longer with us.
9. I remembered my love for P.F. Changs at a very Calli Loveless Birthday Extravaganza.
10. I have a new calling in my ward--which I'm absolutely retiring from in just weeks (the ward & the calling). Let me just say I am a specialist & it's lame (if you're allowed to refer to a church calling as lame without getting struck).
11. Hawaii is just weeks away. I'm almost skinny & tan. Joking!
12. When stupid people enter my life, I like to give them my crustiest look and let them know I will not fall victim to their idiocy.
13. Eric is the greatest brother-in-law.
14. My love for cooking has been rekindled.
15. Whenever I look at my face in the mirror--late afternoonish, I look tired. In fact, several people have told me over the last few weeks that I look tired. What in the hell is that suppose to mean?
16. Big football game on Saturday. Too bad it's going to cut my Thanksgiving holiday down to nothing. It makes me sad and excited and mad and nervous and neurotic all at the same time. Go Cougs!
17. Stephen is visiting. He still has the best buns in town. . .guaranteed.
18. I could no more run 13 miles today than run for president. I'm back to the gym and off the streets.
19. When did it become acceptable for people to talk on their cell phones while at work?
20. I saw Frank Caliendo on Fox News this morning. Rumor is that his new show (which premieres tomorrow night on TBS) is pretty stinkin' funny. My DVR is set, is yours?
21. Speaking of television icons--I'll be on Studio 5 Wednesday at 11am. Watch out Frank--here I come.

So, that's about it. If you read the entire post, I'm willing to offer a smile stipend or a hot kiss on the lips. You choose!