Memorial Day Romp Part 2: Mysterious Lawn Ornament

The mysterious portion of my Memorial Weekend presented itself in the form of a pink flamingo. I was talking to someone last week about yard ornaments--explaining my general distaste for the little devils and wondering who--in their right mind, would allow such a thing to adorn their habitat. When I arrived in Blackfoot, I was shocked to see one little pink flamingo (who I have affectionately named Pokey) gracing the Virtue Mansion with its presence. I was relieved to hear that the Mayor and his wife have not completely lost all sense of taste--the bird is a travelling gift. . .a guest, really. . .not a permanent addition to our yard. I thought I'd try to make friends with our pink feathered friend, but quickly learned that holding a bird by its beak is not a very effective way to buddy-up.
When the bird referred to me as an ignorant two-legged garden gnome, I took matters into my own hands.
You don't mess with a little person, two-legged or otherwise. So help me--if those little wooden peeing kids lay one foot into our yard. . .I won't be able to contain myself.