Nothing Parallel, Please!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Blackfoot High School Drivers Ed Program, let me give you an overview of the experience. My classroom instructor was Mr. Art Gardner. I think some refer to him as Art the FART and, in many cases, rightfully so. I'm pretty sure Mr. Gardner has a good heart, but he was a little bit bizarre. . .okay a lot bizarre. One of his favorite phrases, for example--"Check up from the neck up." What in the hell is that suppose to mean? He honestly gave my hives. I dreaded his class everyday. The loon wouldn't even let us touch the chrome on our desks with our feet and insisted that we not slouch in our seats. Mr. Gardner showed Johnny Lingo on the first day of class as well as some horrible video (or was it film) about a fatal car accident. Didn't really want to learn to drive after that graphic display, but the thought of taking the white Celebrity out on the open road proved to be a "driving" motivator. The fortunate and unfortunate news is that Mr. Gardner was not my "hands on" driving instructor. That responsibility fell upon the shoulders of Mr. Keith Willyard. Mr. Willyard and I got along pretty well. I think he felt some responsiblity to treat me with some decency--as he knew my parents--acquaintances only. Everything was going along fine with my driving instruction until it was time for parallel parking. I'm pretty sure that Mr. Willyard thought I was going to wreck and I could sense that "if you don't kill me, I'll kill you" glimmer in his eyes. So this afternoon I was waiting in the turnaround loop in front of the Wilk and I saw this guy park. I'm tell you--it was a thing of beauty. I stood in awe of the speed and agility displayed by this young man. It was almost enough for me to ask him for private parallel parking instructions. Let's face it, I'm a bad parallel parker--thanks for nothing Artie & Keith.