I'm feeling a little bit off my A-game today.
Headline: MICHELLE'S "BACKUP" PREPARES FOR NUPTIALS.Remember the Friends episode where Rachel and Phoebe talk about having backups: guys to marry if they're not married by the time they're 40? Rachel tries to line up Ross as a backup, but discovers Phoebe has already made that deal with Ross... and with Joey, too. Anyway--it's a pretty good episode. Being the Friends follower that I am, I quickly took steps to secure my own "BACKUP." His name: Paul Cohen. . .I think he and Krista might have had a date once.
I've known Paul since my Red Mansion days. I think one of the reasons I like Paul is that he and I share the intimidation gene. To look at him, you might be a little bit afraid to approach. . . a lot of people tell me that I have the same characteristic--though I think Paul and I have different strains of the gene. Paul is a great guy and one of few people I know worthy of being my backup. Did I mention that Paul is also quite handsome. . .AND tall (an added bonus)? So, for years, I've found some solace in knowing that Paul was around if I didn't find a significant other by the time I turned 40. Well, my backup plan has been foiled. Word on the street is that Paul is engaged. . .so happy for him because he will make a great husband, but equally disappointed that after years of security, I'm without a backup. Oh, the humanity.
So, I'm announcing the beginning of a new backup search. The format for the search will be something very similar to American Idol. If anyone is interested (or knows anyone) that would like to begin the 7-part process, please let me know. I'm working on developing an on-line submission option that I hope to have available to the masses next month.
After hours (okay--seconds) of deliberation, I have decided on a panel of judges. This was a very difficult decision because there are many who would qualify. But, based upon their impartiality, appeal to the masses, and overall desire for my happiness, I would like to invite the following individuals to serve as judges in their respective areas of expertise: Eric & Ryan(Sarcasm & Humor Specialists), Lula & Mike (Spirituality & In-law Relations), Loveless #2 (Financial Security), Laura & Kimmy (Physical Fitness, Fashion & Grooming), and Krista (Emotional Support & Intellect).
Keep in mind that this is not a search for a husband. This is a search for a backup husband. Two very different things! Okay--everyone get to work. This is an emergency of tremendous proportions.
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15 comments:
I suggest a little different format. We used a similar program to find my friend Jonny a girlfriend, or woman, as the case may have been. We had to discard the format due to "ethical" concerns by some who probably would have fit better with the uptight BYU faction (not all of BYU people), than the raucous non-BYU crowd. It is called the "Pick Your Pony Classic." The deal is that people pick a pony (in this case the pony would be a suitable guy). Then, the contestants are put in an NCAA tournament-like system where two guys will go head-to-head in a situation that will be as equal as possible, so that Michelle can pick who she likes best. This person advances on to the next round of qualifications until only one contestant remains, in this case becoming the back-up stallion. The stipulation is that as with most good things in life, it involves some gambling. Specifically, a set entrance fee that goes to support program costs and a cash prize for the winning horse owner. As I said before, ethical concerns were raised about gambling on human emotions and refering to people as horses, but these can be soon disregarded with a little ignorance. Sorry this is so long, but it is a really fun idea and I hope it works out.
I meant 'quickly disregarded.' Dang, I almost had it pretty decent.
Eric--it's brilliant. I have nothing against a friendly exchange of funds. . .especially when I will ultimately benefit.
"Pick Mickey's Backup Pony" is a GO! Any tips as to who will be your pick?
Kimmy wants a pony too!
Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy! I want a pony...I want this I want that. You can't get everything you want Kimmy!
A pony would be nice, but I think we'd be happier with an oil drum of product.
I love my sister in-law Kimmy. Maybe I'll get her a new pony for Christmas and also an oil drum of conditioner for her shower and also a Tivo. She is the best!
Laura, I can and I will get everything I want. It's just a matter of time. I'm hungry. Maybe I'll eat a couple of bananas.
i'm offended that my opinions were elite enough for the original panel of judges - i will offer no pony and i might just notify the uptight byu crowd that one of their very own employees enlists the help of a bookee(aka eric) and involves herself in sexual harrassment (referring to men as ponies!)
Too bad Eron's off the market.
Eron's off the market? He did NOT get married...did he?
He not only got married, but he's reproducing now, too! DANGER.
DANGER IS RIGHT! Little baby Eron's. Do you think he buys shoes for them...probably not.
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